For the record, this might sound controversial but I will jump right in anyway (I would love to hear your thoughts below in comments).

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I was brought up to be an independent woman, the words “Do not depend on anybody for anything, make a living for yourself and do what you have to do” and so on were drummed into my ears to make me understand why I had to be this ‘independent woman’.


While being independent is great on its own, we need to look closely to see if some of us are leaning towards the ‘too independent’ side (if there is anything like that). Let me give you an example of myself, shortly since I graduated with my first degree, I have been independent. I have developed strategies and routines that work best for me and this has been projected onto my past relationships. When I reflect on my behavior, I discovered that I was quite stubborn, quick to take offense and too fast to move on. Now, I have come to know that this is not good enough; it seems that I have convinced myself that people are not worth my time based on one or two things that we have in disagreement.


Now this is my question to you? Have you turned your independence to a defense mechanism? Yes we desire a man or (partner of your choice) to be a leader in all ways but as soon as things not going the way we imagine in our heads, we want to grab control. Why do we do this? We need to understand that this can cause major damage to your partner's ego and possibly have negative affects on your relationship. Why are we so afraid of failure or of losing control? Ponder on these questions. As for me, going forward, in my next meaningful relationship, I will let go of all my unreasonable expectations without losing my independence. Yes I mean expectations like a first date at a Chanel store picking anything I want (wouldn’t that be nice though). I think we should all try to be independent and reasonable at the same time.